165 Jokes So Bad They're Actually Funny

What do y'all phone call a can opener that doesn't piece of work? A tin can't opener.

Sometimes a bad joke is but that: a bad joke. Merely some jokes are and so jaw-droppingly ridiculous that they transcend their own awfulness to attain a higher plane of funny. Attempt as you may not to laugh, we're all, on some level, powerless to jokes that revel in their own blench-iness. To prove information technology, we've rounded up 165 of our favorite bad jokes. And we're talking jokes so bad they come full circle into existence actually hilarious.

Bad Dad Jokes

"What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!"

  1. Why was the math teacher belatedly to piece of work? She took the rhombus.
  2. I'1000 really excited for the next autopsy club. It'south open up Mike nighttime!
  3. Where do spiders seek health advice? WebMD.
  4. What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K? "HDMI."
  5. My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy. At least that'south what she wrote in her diary.
  6. A friend of mine got into photographing salmon in different clothing. He said he liked shooting fish in apparel.
  7. Why can't you trust an atom? Because they make upwards everything.
  8. I'd similar to get to The netherlands anytime. Wooden shoe?
  9. The guy that invented the umbrella was gonna call information technology the brella. Merely he hesitated.
  10. Fun fact: Commonwealth of australia'southward biggest export is boomerangs. It'due south as well their biggest import.
  11. What kind of car runs on leaves? An autumn-mobile!
  12. I tried to organize a professional Hibernate-and-Seek tournament, but it was a consummate failure. Adept players are hard to find.
  13. Before the invention of the wheel… everything was a drag!
  14. What practise yous phone call it when Dwayne Johnson buys a cutting tool? Rock pay-for scissors.
  15. What do you call a hippie'southward married woman? A Mississippi!
  16. What did the duck say when she bought a lipstick? Put it on my neb!
  17. What do you lot call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto!
  18. What do yous requite to a sick lemon? Lemon assistance!
  19. What did the little mount say to the bigger mountain? Hi Cliff!
  20. Why are at that place gates around cemeteries? Because people are dying to make it!
  21. What exercise you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
  22. What do bees do if they need a ride? Wait at the buzz stop!
  23. What do yous call a monkey that loves Doritos? A chipmunk!
  24. Why did the can crusher quit his chore? Because it was soda pressing!
  25. Practice y'all retrieve that joke I told you about my spine? It was about a weak back!
  26. I just went to an emotional nuptials. Even the cake was in tiers.
  27. When's the best time to become to the dentist? Tooth-hurtie!
  28. Why exercise seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they're bagels!
  29. What exercise you call a farm that makes bad jokes? Corny!
  30. Why do fish live in salt h2o? Because pepper makes them sneeze!
  31. What kind of streets do ghosts haunt? Dead ends!
  32. What exercise you lot tell actors to break a leg? Because every play has a cast!
  33. What kind of dogs love car racing? Lap dogs!
  34. What did Winnie the Pooh say to his agent? "Testify me the beloved!"
  35. What do you telephone call birds who stick together? Vel-crows.
  36. Today I gave my dead batteries away. They were free of charge.
  37. What practice you call it when i cow spies on another? A steak out!
  38. What happens when a frog'south car breaks downwards? Information technology gets toad!
  39. What's the best affair about Switzerland? I don't know, but its flag is a big plus!
  40. My favorite discussion is "drool." It just rolls off the tongue.
  41. Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands.
  42. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
  43. What does a zombie vegetarian swallow? "Graaaaaaaains!"
  44. My new thesaurus is terrible. Non just that, it'south also terrible.
  45. What did the coating say as it cruel off the bed? "Oh sheet!"
  46. Why do moo-cow-milking stools merely accept three legs? 'Cause the moo-cow's got the udder!
  47. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? He felt his presents.
  48. What'southward the last matter that goes through a bug's mind when information technology hits a windshield? Its butt.
  49. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? "Supplies!"
  50. Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight. There would be mass defoliation!
  51. It'south inappropriate to brand a "dad joke" if yous are non a dad. It's a faux pa.
  52. What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
  53. I have an addiction to cheddar cheese. But it's only mild.
  54. Why shouldn't yous write with a broken pencil? Because it'southward pointless!
  55. Why did the scarecrow win an honour? He was outstanding in his field.
  56. What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
  57. I was sitting in traffic the other twenty-four hours.  Probably why I got run over.
  58. What'due south carmine and shaped similar a bucket? A blue bucket painted red.
  59. What don't ants go sick? They accept anty-bodies.
  60. What do you phone call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
  61. Why do yous smear peanut butter on the road? To go with the traffic jam.
  62. When is your door not actually a door? When it's ajar.
  63. What'southward green, fuzzy, and would hurt if it fell on you lot out of a tree? A pool table.
  64. A communist joke isn't funny unless everyone gets it.
  65. What did ane dish say to the other? Dinner is on me!
  66. What does a business firm wear? Address!
  67. Why can't y'all hear a Pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Considering the pee is silent.
  68. Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject. Now you can talk virtually Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.
  69. What do yous call someone who immigrated to Sweden? Artificial Swedener.
  70. Have y'all heard the one about the corduroy pillow? It'due south making headlines.
  71. What'southward the dumbest animate being in the jungle? A polar behave!
  72. I'm thinking about removing my spine. I experience like it's just belongings me back.
  73. Did you hear near the two thieves who stole a calendar? They each got six months.
  74. I'k terrified of elevators and so I'one thousand going to first taking steps to avoid them.
  75. Have y'all heard of the band 923 Megabytes? Probably not, they oasis't had a gig yet.

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ReallyBad Jokes

"Ever tried to eat a clock? It's time-consuming!"

  1. Where do mansplainers get their water? From a well, really.
  2. Why are social media influencers afraid when they go to the woods alone at dark? They're constantly being followed.
  3. I volition never sympathise why manslaughter is illegal. Men should exist able to express joy at any they desire.
  4. What did the green grape say to the purple grape? "Breathe, damn it! Breathe!"
  5. I put my root beer into a square glass. Now it'south but beer.
  6. They told me a mask was enough to get into the supermarket. They lied, everybody else was also wearing pants.
  7. Not to brag, but I defeated our local chess champion in less than five moves. Finally my high schoolhouse karate lessons came to some utilize.
  8. I hate Russian dolls. They're so full of themselves.
  9. I went on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. Never once again.
  10. My grandfather has the eye of a lion and a lifetime ban from the National Zoo.
  11. What's greenish and has wheels? Grass. I lied well-nigh the wheels.
  12. Sometimes I tuck my knees into my breast and lean forward. That'due south just how I roll.
  13. I similar to spend every day as if it's my last. Staying in bed and calling for a nurse to bring me more pudding.
  14. I got fired from my chore at the bank today. An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
  15. I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'grand going domicile for the hollandaise.
  16. My dad's respond to everything is alcohol. He doesn't beverage, information technology'southward merely that he'due south actually bad at crossword puzzles.
  17. Where did the calculator become dancing? The disc-o!
  18. What do you call a dangerous lord's day shower? A rain of terror!
  19. I used to hate facial hair but and then it grew on me.
  20. What'south the departure between a dirty bus finish and a lobster with chest implants? One is a crusty motorcoach station and the other is a busty crustacean.
  21. How many tickles does it take to make an octopus express joy? X tickles.
  22. I used to be fond to the hokey pokey merely and then I turned myself around.
  23. Why didn't the astronaut come home to his married woman? He needed his space.
  24. What's the most terrifying give-and-take in nuclear physics? "Oops!"
  25. I watched hockey earlier information technology was cool. They were basically pond.
  26. There'due south no hole in your shoe? So how'd you lot get your foot in it?
  27. A cowherd counted 48 cows on his property. But when he rounded them up, he had l.
  28. When the two rabbit ears got married, it was a overnice anniversary. Just the reception wasamazing.
  29. Why couldn't the wheel stand upwardly? Considering it was too tired.
  30. A chicken coup only has two doors. If it had four, it would be a craven sedan.
  31. Three fish are in a tank. One asks the others, "How exercise you drive this affair?"
  32. Why don't venereal donate? Because they're shellfish.
  33. What did Blackbeard the pirate say when he turned 80? "Aye, matey."
  34. How does your feline store? By reading a catalogue.
  35. It's difficult to teach kleptomaniacs humor. They have things and so literally.
  36. Sunny-side upwardly, scrambled, or an omelet? It doesn't matter. They're all eggcellent.
  37. Don't worry if you miss a gym session. Everything will piece of work out.
  38. Always tried to eat a clock? Information technology's time-consuming.
  39. Who tin spring higher than a firm? Pretty much anyone.
  40. What practice an apple tree and an orange have in mutual? Neither one can drive.
  41. Why did the man of affairs invest in Smith & Wollensky? He wanted to pale his merits.
  42. Five guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would've seen information technology.
  43. This sweet ride has iv wheels and flies. It's a garbage truck.
  44. How many bugs do yous need to rent out an apartment? 10-ants.
  45. I want to become camping every year. That trip was then in tents.
  46. Wait, you don't want to hear a joke about potassium? M.
  47. How do y'all organize a space-themed hurrah? Y'all planet.
  48. Your ex. That'due south the punchline.
  49. How do yous feel when in that location's no java?  Depresso.
  50. I broke my arm in 2 places. You know what the doctor told me? "Stay out of those places!"
  51. What do you give a sick bird? Tweetment.
  52. Where did the king keep his armies? Upwardly his sleevies.
  53. What are the biggest enemies of caterpillars? Dogerpillers.
  54. What do you call an empty tin can of Cheese Whiz? Cheese Was.
  55. What did Mario say when he broke upward with Princess Peach? "It'southward non you, information technology's a-me!"
  56. What's the award for existence best dentist? A lilliputian plaque.
  57. What did the finger say to the thumb? I'thousand in glove with you.
  58. What practice you call a magician dog? A labracadabrador.
  59. What concert costs only 45 cents? 50 Cent and Nickelback.
  60. What do sprinters consume before a race? Nothing, they fast.
  61. Who invented the round table? Sir Cumference.
  62. What exercise yous phone call the security guards outside of Samsung? The guardians of the Galaxy.
  63. There are three types of people in the world. Those of the states who are good at math and those of us who aren't.
  64. What audio does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew!
  65. Why practice ghosts love elevators? Because information technology lifts their spirits.
  66. What's the best way to carve wood? Whittle by whittle.
  67. Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots? He was picking his nose.
  68. What practice you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
  69. How tin you lot brand vii an even number? Only take away the "s"!
  70. What did the lawyer vesture to court? A lawsuit!
  71. What do you call HIJKLMNO? H20!
  72. How do yous notice Will Smith in the snow? Just follow the fresh prints!
  73. What did the clock do when information technology was hungry? It went back four seconds.
  74. What practise you telephone call a dog with no legs? You can phone call him whatever you want, he'south even so non coming.
  75. I still retrieve the concluding thing my grandfather said earlier kicking the bucket: "Hey, you want to see how far I tin kicking this saucepan?"
  76. What exercise you lot call a can opener that doesn't work? A tin can't opener.
  77. Why did the human being get fired from his job at the calendar mill? He took a couple days off!
  78. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Considering he always gets a hole in 1!
  79. Did you hear near the kidnapping at school? Information technology'south fine, he eventually woke up!
  80. What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep? Well, now, all of them.
  81. Why did the teacher love the whiteboard? She just idea it was remarkable!
  82. A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orangish." So I replied, "No information technology doesn't."
  83. If y'all're American when yous get in the bath and American when yous come up out, what are you in the bathroom? European!
  84. What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  85. Why tin't a nose exist 12 inches long? Because and then it'd be a foot.
  86. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Never mind, I shouldn't spread it.
  87. What did the drummer telephone call his ii twin daughters? Anna ane, Anna two.
  88. I'g not a big fan of stairs. They're ever upwardly to something.
  89. What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? A stick.
  90. What to hear a joke about newspaper? Never listen, information technology'due south tearable.